Embracing "failure"

Jun 20, 2021


Being able to learn from your failures graciously is a skill that few have mastered.

I'm sure you have heard the saying before, there is no such thing as failure. There is only feedback. And it's easy to nod your head in agreement when sitting comfortably on the couch reading such wise words. But how does that translate in the cold hard light of post-assessment debrief?

I have noticed in myself and others that using feedback constructively is not a natural reaction. Our ego likes to spit up justifications and excuses that prevent us from any kind of development, professional or otherwise.

Think back to when you learned how to ride your bike for the first time. When you fell off, did you try and explain to yourself or your parents that you had done everything right even though the outcome clearly showed that you hadn't. No, you didn't. You got back on the bike and tried something just a little bit different. And you kept trying and changing your technique until, eventually, you had success!

So why did we develop this ego-driven reaction that prevents us from taking the same attitude towards learning as we get older?
I believe the root is in the pressure of perfectionism that so many of us put on ourselves daily, especially when studying or in a high-pressure work environment. We get conditioned to believe that any mistake is a declaration of not having learned enough, not working hard enough, or not being skilled enough. We judge ourselves harshly and subsequently judge the people around us harshly, promoting a competitive environment where no one feels safe making mistakes.

Is there an antidote?
What has worked for me is making a conscious effort to listen to feedback carefully and notice my gut reaction. If I feel the need to defend or justify my words or actions, my ego is probably popping up to get a word in. But now I know those words are not helpful. It has been good for me to notice the voice of my ego, accept it and realise that I know better.

As a result, I can more readily accept the limitations of my knowledge and skills. Take on board advice and feedback, adapt and change. And keep doing that until I get the results I want. I am grateful for people that take the time to provide me with feedback. They don't have to do that, and it is helping me become a better version of myself, so I soak it up!

When you stop judging yourself harshly, it allows you to stop judging other people harshly. Less competitive banter and more supportive conversations would be a welcome change to most work and study environments! Why not be the leader of that culture in your world? Start talking to other people about your mistakes so they can learn from them as well. They might share stories of their mistakes with you, which will allow you to learn without ever having to make those same mistakes.

At the very least, start noticing your reaction to feedback and remind yourself to be open to suggestions. Stop kicking your own ass every time you make a mistake!

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